What is Your DARK MUSIC? (Wendy Samson and Curt Swenson, 2016)
Remember the theme music from the movie Jaws? Bu dum, Bu dum, Bu dum, Bu duh duh! Those ominous sounding notes let the movie audience know that something really bad was just about to happen and sent chills down our collective spines. If only those swimmers could have actually heard that musical warning! And, if only we could hear our own DARK MUSIC playing before we head into a workplace conflict – before it’s too late!
Every person on earth has a trigger; that behavior, situation or event that makes us go from zero to ten quickly on the anger scale. Every person on earth also has a “tell”; a physiological response that shows the world that we are about to “go there”. These physiological “tells” or responses are what FutureSYNC consultants call our DARK MUSIC!
DARK MUSIC might manifest as a red face, sweaty palms, blotchy skin, a raised pitch in our voice, a deafening silence or many other uncomfortable physical responses, depending on the temperament of the person having the meltdown. And these responses, just like the music in Jaws, are our indicators that something bad is about to go down and that we are about to lose the executive functioning portion of our brain – the place where reasoning and reasonableness live.
What can we do about it? How can we seize the moment and stop the anger from overtaking us? How do we develop that leadership ability called locus of control? Consider the following steps:
- Identify your triggers and your shark music (physiological response(s)) ahead of time, so that you can recognize what is happening to you in real time.
- Use your DARK MUSIC as a signal that you should take a step back, some deep breaths, a walk – anything that gives you time to restore your pre-frontal cortex.
- Acknowledge that when your “go there” you are shutting down your pre-frontal cortex (reasoning) and using the primal, self-preservation part of your brain found in the limbic system that is drive by primal responses, (fight, freeze, flight).
- Only time can stop this from happening, so recognize your signals and give yourself some air.
- Likewise, if you know your team well and know their triggers and DARK MUSIC, you can come alongside them if you see them start to escalate, and help them to regain their executive functioning as well.
Good news! Our DARK MUSIC is, in fact, a beneficial mechanism that signals us to slow our course of action and give ourselves some vital restoration time. With these strategies in practice, we can head into any conflict or heated situation with both our reasoning and reasonableness intact!
For more information on handling conflict in the workplace, contact the consultants at FutureSYNC International.