Professional Notes on Tone and Intention (Wendy Samson and Curt Swenson, 2016)
In FutureSYNC’s work, our consultants find that the number one reason for workplace misunderstandings is not the actual words that we speak to one another, but the tone and perceived intention of what we say that causes the sparks to fly or feelings to be hurt. Here are some simple tips:
- Be cautious of workplace banter that doesn’t include everyone. If everyone gets quiet when a certain peer or your boss enters the room, you are sending them a strong message of non-inclusion and your loyalty can be called into question.
- Remember that your supervisor is a person with feelings. They deserve your sincere compliments and verbalized “atta-boys or girls” just like everyone else.
- Don’t assume that others are not working as hard as you. Find out others’ roles by asking them and educating yourself. Start by giving them the benefit of the doubt.
- Be sincere. Don’t pay a compliment unless you mean it. Inauthenticity falls flat and leaves everyone with a bad taste in their mouth.
- Teasing can go too far. Humorous interactions go haywire if someone starts to feel picked on. Don’t be the person that steps over that line.
- Being a gracious person means honoring others for what they bring to the table. Self-examine your ability to be respectful to others first. Practice this through sincere affirmation and acknowledgement daily.
- Showing appreciation and thankfulness for your job is not a weakness. It is a sign of character and maturity and makes a real difference to both your leaders and your followers.
- At the end of the day, we are human beings first. Ask yourself, how am I doing in adding to the joy and satisfaction of the human beings around me?
- Start out your sentences with positives, not negatives. Examples: “Did you get an opportunity to finish that?” Not, “Didn’t you do that?” Or, “Yes, I see that you are having some difficulties with this.” Not, “No, that’s not how you do it.” This simple switch in semantics can help to change your tone quickly.
- Enter each transaction with hopefulness regarding reconciliation and resolution. Think of conflict as having a “heart-to-heart” discussion with a valued colleague. Just by changing your perspective on your role and the purpose of the meeting, you can gain partnerships rather than create enemies.