It’s been said that what many of us really need, is a good listening to! That statement says a lot, but it begs the question: What does it mean to really listen? What does it mean to really be heard? And more importantly, how does feel to be listened to? Have you ever walked away from a conversation where you truly felt heard? Isn’t that a refreshing experience? Didn’t you look forward to the next conversation with the person who really leaned and LISTENED to you?
On Wednesday, I wrote a short ‘drip’ on the courage to listen and I believe the subject is worthy of some more conversation. Active listening is a skill that has several tools and components, but I believe that great listeners have something else. They have a desire to learn before they talk. A desire to know more about what and who is right in front of them. In short, really good listeners are curious.
The toolbox of active listening skills might look something like this:
- Listen more that you talk (although I wouldn’t recommend you check your watch)
- Paraphrase and rephrase to check for understanding
- Ask open-ended questions
- Make eye contact and lean forward
- Nod your head to show you’re listening
There are many listening skills like those above and I encourage you to learn all about them. From my experience though, the magic sauce of good listeners comes from somewhere a little deeper than sharpened skills. It comes from a genuine desire to learn, a genuine interest in the person and a genuine curiosity for a deeper understanding. Here is a toolbox for curiosity for your consideration that might look a little different:
- Prepare for the conversation – think about what you’d really like to learn
- Be Present – slow your mind down enough to truly process what you hear
- Suspend your preconceived notions – enter the conversation like a blank slate
- Seek real understanding – ask questions about what’s being said, as opposed to your solutions, your experiences, or your ideas.
- Listen with your senses – what do you hear, see, feel and experience as you learn
The curious listener makes us feel heard and validated and as a result, earns the privilege to influence us. If you want to become a better leader in your home, business, community and relationships, Get Curious!
To learn more about effective listening, influence and becoming a better leader, contact FutureSYNC International at (406) 254-2326.