Do I Have to Put Up with That? (Wendy Samson and Curt Swenson, 2016)
Don’t you wish there was some type of manual or written protocol that could help us to deal with other human beings? Every person brings with them an array of qualities from greatness to goofiness that can be challenging, both in our personal lives and in the workplace. The many nuances of personality, temperament, idiosyncrasies and historical baggage that come with each person can also make it very difficult to be a discerning supervisor. Accordingly then, a question that often comes up from our FutureSYNC partners is, “Do I have to tolerate that behavior?”
Our response to this important inquiry is three-fold and involves responding to inappropriate behavior by taking action in the following ways.
First, as a leader, be willing to accept feedback yourself regarding your own behavior and work performance. Provide a listening ear and a responsive heart to your co-workers’ concerns, even if the concerns are about you. Feedback delivered during the course of your daily routines or during planned meetings upon your request, will provide you with opportunities to show your team your willingness to be vulnerable (the primary building block of trust), in an appropriate and credible place and time.
Secondly, DO NOT accept input and feedback during times when you are conducting disciplinary action, evaluations or terminations. This is not a time for you to be vulnerable, nor is it a time for negotiation or self-investigation. Additionally, if an employee has a history of complaining and being divisive, use discernment as to how much responsibility you will accept for their concerns regarding your performance. Ask them questions like, “What part can you play in resolving this?” Or, “Are you giving me the benefit of the doubt in this scenario?”
Finally, develop and document a list of zero tolerance behaviors that are simply not allowed in your workplace. These should go beyond the fundamentally actionable items such as theft, violence, coercion or drug use. Some examples might be: Use of profanity, inappropriate teasing or humor, invasion of personal space, chronic absenteeism or tardiness, unpreparedness, and triangulation (gossip) or lack of follow-through. Discuss these behaviors with your team regularly, describing them as zero tolerance actions and attitudes.
Some readers might want to know what I told my son to do when handling any future scenarios like the one he experienced at the movies. I told him to never, ever, ever let someone invade his personal space without his permission. I explained that what she displayed was zero tolerance behavior for a fully functioning adult and that he had a say in how he was to be treated by others. Isn’t this true for all of us?
By bringing these zero tolerance behaviors out into the light at your workplace, you are helping to clarify your culture by articulating your standards and expectations. You will also be assisting other team members with very concrete answers to the question, “Do I have to put up with that?”