Can You Wait for Your Marshmallow? (Wendy Samson and Curt Swenson, 2016)
Are you able to wait for your rewards? Are you content in the moment or are you always looking for the next best thing? Do you find joy in your work, your clients or your customers or are you constantly questioning your purpose? If you answered by saying that you are typically discontent, then you might also admit that success in your career has been somewhat elusive as well.
Believe it or not, by simply admitting that you struggle in this area, you have made the first step towards moving forward and finding your purpose. The self-regulation continuum is as follows:
Self-awareness >>>>> Self-Control>>>>>>> Self-Regulation
In the 1960’s, Dr. Walter Mischel administered the now famous “marshmallow” tests to a group of pre-schoolers in order to study the link between limiting self-gratification and long term success. The children in the study were given a marshmallow and a simple set of verbal instructions stating that if they could wait to eat the marshmallow, they would receive two marshmallows after the test. The testers then left the children alone in the laboratory for a short period of time, observing the challenges they experienced from behind a two-way mirror and through videotape. The images of their struggle to not eat the delicious treat and to wait on their rewards were both hilarious and cautionary.
After his first study, Mischel and his team followed many of the children through five decades – past high school, into adulthood, even into retirement and the results were astounding! Those children who early on had the ability to wait for their reward, were more successful socially, academically and career-wise. As a group, they had better life outcomes than those children who could not wait and had to take a nibble. The “nibblers” did not do as well in comparison and often had a series of risk-taking behaviors throughout their lives that had negatively impacted them in the long-term.
What does this mean for us? Adults who are able to play the long game in a career for which we are suited, are more likely to experience greater financial and high impact benefits than those of us who don’t. So how do we keep from wandering off, getting bored, leaving in a huff, or seeking the grass that seems greener, instead of committing to the job at hand?
In an article published in the October 2014 in New Yorker Magazine, covering Mischel’s work, author Maria Konnikova writes, “The key, it turns out, is learning to mentally “cool” what Mischel calls the “hot” aspects of your environment: the things that pull you away from your goal. Cooling can be accomplished by putting the object at an imaginary distance (a photograph isn’t a treat), or by re-framing it (picturing marshmallows as clouds not candy). Focusing on a completely unrelated experience can also work, as can any technique that successfully switches your attention. Mischel’s research has repeatedly shown that, while some people are naturally better at cooling than others, both children and adults can learn mental distancing techniques to strengthen their self control.”
Remember, we are not talking about staying in an ill-fitting job in which you don’t get along well with others or where you are not excited about the mission or where you can’t give your gifts away.
FutureSYNC International suggests that if you detect a pattern of behavior in your own work life that finds you regularly leaving good jobs before you have reached your full potential to: 1) Seek wise counsel from people who know you well and have proven themselves to be “for you”; 2) Ask them to help you determine and verify your fit; and 3) Work with a good career counselor (free through most colleges and universities) to help you sustain your career life for the long-run and who can help you to: 4) Learn how to employ “cooling techniques” around the job tasks that seem to make you antsy or pull you away from completing your goals.
Contact FutureSYNC International to learn additional “cooling techniques” so that you can reach a level of self-regulation, enabling you to finally get that second marshmallow!