photo by celestinechua
When I am able to talk with and watch a leader over a period of time, I can predict two things about this individual: Their collaboration effectiveness and their leadership lid (the level at which their effectiveness ends). At FutureSYNC, we can actually predict the amount of self inflicted pain an organization may be putting on themselves by placing certain individuals in certain positions. Interestingly, this can all be predicted by how easily they are offended and how much they hold onto an offense.
I have come across individuals that are blind to this limiting aspect. I don’t find many individuals that set out to limit their own effectiveness but I do come across many individuals that self sabotage by lacking the ability to forgive. Choosing to hold grudges and not forgive is self limiting. Some of our flawed thinking is that you are punishing someone by not forgiving them or that if you forgive someone that means you are letting them win. When in reality it is as if you are drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Your choice of not forgiving truly only hurts you. Many times the other person doesn’t even know that there is an issue or that you have chosen to “drink the poison”.
When you go long periods of time without forgiving someone it begins affecting other relationships that come into your personal life as well as your work life. When you have chosen to not forgive and someone shows up in your work life, who reminds you of that person, you may find yourself placing your past offenses on an innocent individual. It might sounds like, “I cannot work with people like that” or “I know exactly who this person is” or “this isn’t going to go well”. This is an unfair and very limiting thought and pattern. The person that you have just met or was introduced in your workplace has not done anything, doesn’t know about your past, and they deserve much better than this. They may remind you of someone or something but they are not that person or that scenario. Additionally, your choice to not forgive could sabotage your work, your leadership, and your future.
Leaders that create momentum around themselves have the ability to handle intense conversations and scenarios but leave the offenses and grudges behind. They don’t make the interactions personal. They seek to know the individual and gain real understanding and relationship with each person with whom they work closely. They facilitate passionate transactions, driving for the best outcomes and then have the ability to go to dinner with the very people with whom they were in these transactions. They choose not to hold onto offenses that could stump their growth or stifle their leadership. They choose not to let personal feelings get in the way of effective interactions with others. They choose to work on relationships rather than choosing destructive behaviors. What would it look like in your workplace if you became known for this type of leadership? To learn more about forgiveness leadership and how to make this your personal pattern and exquisite leadership style, contact FutureSYNC International at (406) 254-2326.